Poor Communication around Conflict
Blood may be thicker than water. However apparently, it's not always thicker than ego, ambition ... or a really good soundbite.
From rock royalty to actual royalty, two sets of brothers are currently giving us a masterclass in what happens when communication breaks down.
First, there's Liam and Noel Gallagher. After 16 years of estrangement, the Oasis brothers are back together - and their reunion is now the subject of the new documentary Oasis: Don't look back in Anger. The film captures their journey from years of very public hostility to sharing a stage again.
Then there are Princes William and Harry. Harry and his family have returned to live in the UK, bringing renewed attention to their strained relationship. While there have been signs of reconciliation elsewhere in the Royal Family, the brothers' relationship appears considerably more complicated.
Different families. Different words. Very different communication styles.
The Gallagher story is communication at full volume. The Royal brothers' story has often been communication at a distance - with interviews, books, documentaries, statements and inevitably, headlines filling the gaps where direct conversation might otherwise sit.
Conflict isn't necessarily the problem. Poor communication around conflict is.
In both cases, the public has become an audience to a private relationship. And once an audience gets involved, everything changes.
The workplace isn't so different.
Of course, most of us aren't negotiating a reunion or navigating the British monarchy! However, we do have our own Gallaghers and Windsors!
The colleague who 'always undermines me.'
The manager who 'never listens.'
The team member who is 'impossible.'
Once we create a story about someone we tend to notice everything that confirms it. We stop listening to understand. We start listening to respond or worse, listening for evidence that we're right.
So what can we learn from the feuding brothers?
Being authentic doesn't mean saying everything! The Gallagher approach can be entertaining, but it can also leave a trail of damage.
Silence communicates, too. Not saying something doesn't make the issue disappear. Sometimes silence gives other people space to write their story for you!
Public communication can make private conflict harder to resolve. Once something has been said publicly, taking it back can feel like losing.
Conflict isn't always destructive. Healthy disagreement can challenge assumptions; sharpen ideas and produce better outcomes. The trick is to focus on the issue - not turning it into a verdict on the person.
Whether your communicating with a colleague, client or your sibling - there's one question worth asking:
Am I trying to win the argument or improve the relationship?
Sometimes the most powerful communication isn't having the last word. It's leaving the door open for the next conversation.
